Overcome or Overcoming

There is so much evil in our world. Sometimes it feels like I am drowning in the stuff. Slowly becoming saturated with darkness, until doubts arise as to whether any of this is worthwhile or purposeful. My wise roommate once said to me: "Don't let evil overwhelm you." And while I didn't realize the weight of her words at that moment, I have found myself thinking more and more about them these past weeks. I think I'm beginning to see that whether or not we drown in this darkness, is entirely dependent on whether or not we latch on to the life preserver.

Just over two weeks ago I got to experience a woman giving birth. Before you coo and awww at how precious it must have been, allow me to point out that the mother of the infant injected cocaine 20 minutes before the delivery. That the helpless child was born with his hands and feet twitching with the withdrawls, and that the mother, who earnestly kept inquiring how her baby was, will not get to see his first birthday. She has had five children, and has gotten to keep none of them. Since there are always two of us that go on calls my partner attended to the mother and cut the cord, while I wrapped the baby boy no bigger than a football in blankets. I was the first person to hold that child. The first to wrap my arms around him and look into his face. And I was suddenly aware of the battle between light and dark.

On the one hand there was new life in the room. The baby, despite the withdrawls, was born healthy and was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. On the other hand I could not help thinking about his future... What home would he end up in? would loving parents adopt him? would he end up in foster homes? Would he know his immense value and worth as an individual, or be broken by the fact that his mother was unable to care for him? Would this innocent end up where she was fifteen or twenty years down the road?

And then I remembered the truth I know so well. That all of this is out of my hands, and held instead by a Creator who sees every sparrow fall. Who even though I don't understand Him, and He doesn't always seem fair, still gives me that peace that He is present and in control. Somehow that's enough for me, I guess. Despite all the evil, despite the immense suffering we see in this cursed planet, God is still with us. Still walking beside us. Still holding our hands. Still guiding us through the night.

The darkness is still there, it just doesn't seem quite so dark anymore...