Church Thoughts Take II

God blows my mind. Despite my unwilling heart, my unfaithfulness, and my indifference He is still here, carrying me across the sand...

So in my last entry I was going through a rough part of my life where I felt like my perceptions of church and what it means to me were crumbling apart around me. I spent most Sundays trying to think of reasons why I should go to church, which more often than not ended up being for the sole reason that God wants me too. I remember driving to the Sunday service in Clint's truck and whispering to him, "we can still skip.... we're not there yet, we can still skip..." Luckily for me Clint drove unswervingly to the church on all such occasions. But last Sunday I experienced something that I'm beginning to discover was missing previously from "church." Community. A big word we throw around a lot, but I think last week I saw it. I got to sit in the front row and take part it in it. I watched as people poured out their hearts to each other. I saw them be vulnerable. I saw the light of God in their eyes. Saw the glow, that glow you can only get from talking about Christ. And I was happy. Not only happy, but joyful. Overflowing in a sense - literally since my eyes kept getting wetter and wetter somehow... Damn plank in it I guess.

When I was struggling with church, and how I fit in it, my Mom wrote me a letter. Which in itself is pretty sweet because we've lost the value of letters I think, and my parents live only two blocks away. In it she explained some of the same feelings that she has been struggling with, and one comment that she made that has stuck with me, was that the church isn't perfect. It can be broken and frustrating, and all around drive you crazy. But Christ loves it. He loves it so much He died for it. I've seen some of the worst of churches of the years, but I've also seen some pretty amazing things in church that I will never forget - that could be a blog for another time I suppose....

I know I have some things I need to work on. I know that there will be days where I will still dislike the church, where I will still whisper to Clint that we can still skip... where I will still feel like I don't fit, and that other people don't fit and that its not welcoming enough, not passionate enough, not generous enough. But now that I'm realizing the value of the people in that church along with me, maybe I can take those things with a grain of salt. What is that saying they use in Sunday school? The church isn't the building, it's the people.